Sunday, August 2, 2015

Case Studies from a Counselor's cabin

Relationships can run or ruin a world!

------------When the communication channel is not there---------

Samira has been alienating herself from her mother right from her teen years. Roshni, her mom, having been a time-starved working mom all through her life, neither had the inclination to work on the fragile relationship, nor had the time. Samira felt neglected and as a young adult she was not on cordial terms with Roshni. The relationship, worsening each day, needed repairs.
Initially hesitant and sometimes rude during my sessions with her, Samira started opening up gradually. Our rapport started building during our talks on her family life, her friends’ circle and what she felt about life. Her anger and bitterness over Roshni’s neglect towards her and unkind behaviour over the years began pouring out.
I empathized with her just as much as I refrained from judging her. Over time, through our sessions, realization dawned on her that Roshni actually cared about her though she could never express it and that her frustration for never having had sufficient family time made her an embittered person. Now less agitated and more matured, Samira doesn’t brush aside her mother brusquely any more. A new relationship has just begun.

------------When comparison does more harm than good----------

Ruby, a sensitive pre-teen, is no longer quiet and often gets into loud verbal battles with her mother, Ajita. Well-educated, Ajita quit work since she felt Ruby needed her at home though of late she felt Ruby was not grateful or respectful towards her. A session with Ruby helped me know that she is raring to grow out of her shell, wanting to have her own space and her own free time. During my sessions with Ajita, I empathized with her as she shared how sad and angry she felt for being taken for granted by Ruby and that Ruby’s stubbornness and lack of ambition came in the way of her being an achiever in different areas. It became increasingly clear that Ajita herself was under pressure of seeing Ruby a great performer everywhere. Ruby, though a topper in school wasn’t focusing enough on anything, she felt. Through our interactions over days, Ajita realized that continued comparison with Ruby’s peers actually didn’t inspire Ruby to get focused and Ajita needed to go easy on her by beginning to let her handle her tasks. This way, Ruby would know that she had to begin taking charge. Ajita is now getting ready to let Ruby face the outcome of her own attitude and actions and start taking the first steps towards becoming responsible.

I'm glad if my post has touched you. Since I have the constraint of returning home well before my daughter is back from school, I cannot give myself to counseling as much and also as often I'd like to. So maybe your sharing of my experiences with my counselees, with your friends, and you asking them in turn to do the same, could compensate for that a little bit at least.

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